if tomorrow never comes

It would seem untimely and ironic that I should be talking about death just after I celebrated my 21st (which by the way ranks all the way up there in terms of birthday experiences, but that's another tale for another time).

Let's face it, we are born to die, and no I'm not trying to romanticize this notion or to be fatalistic. Fact is, we will die. All things living die eventually. They must. Imagined if living things lived on forever, what a massive over crowding problem it will become! And it'll be worse if humans lived forever: there will just be more competition for excess consumption.

Ok, I'm getting carried away here. What I wanted to write about is how, at this present state of my mind, I think I would want to die.

To sum it up, I want a peaceful, happy death. I don't want to be in agony when I go, coz I'm terrified of pain and suffering (yea, what a wuss right? haha). And I don't want the last things I see to be faces of friends and family in pain because of my suffering. I want to be with my friends and family when I go. It need not be at home, just where all these people are. So I suppose when I feel my time's reaching an end, I should have a huge gathering of all who are dear to me (you guys better come hor!). Then maybe we can all go to Changi beach, and we can all talk our hearts out over finger food and hot tea tarik, and I'll just let the gentle sea breezes coax me to my final rest. And preferably I'll be smiling when I pop off (at least I'll look better in the coffin! Haha, I know, morbid vanity).

Don't you guys cry before I take my leave ok, like I said, I don't want the last thing I see to be crying faces. Humor me lah.

You know, we spend our whole lives studying like crazy to "secure our future", and yet when it comes down to it, the things that we find hardest to part with are our family and friends, people who have been there all along. All those big fights and squabbles with our friends and family suddenly seem so trivial.

Born with nothing, die with nothing? I disagree. I think we're born with our parents' love and we die with unconditonal and unqualified love for our family and friends. At least, that's how I want it to be.

A lil' emo and OOC for me? Honestly, no. I'm just seldom able to coherently put my thoughts in writing and speech.

Of course, what do I know about death? It's not like I've been there and done that right! (Right now, the pantang part of me is screaming "CHOI!")

Haha...