Somehow, this CNY felt like a complete waste of time. For most part at least.

Despite this super long 4-day weekend, it doesn't feel like I've fully utilised it. Saturday was spent sleeping and working. Sunday was supposed to have been spent studying, "supposed" being the functioning word. Time just flew. It doesn't help that I give in to distractions so easily.

Sigh, when will I ever learn. How much more of my time and life am I gonna waste away?

Monday and Tuesday was suppose to be spent studying too since we don't visit much. Monday morning was spent at my aunt's place. And then the temple. The temple. How do I tell my mom that I don't want to go to the temple, not out of disrespect, but rather because I don't believe in the faith? She'll just make a big fuss about the whole thing and demand that I should take back my words. So I usually just go along with her. But I feel like a complete hypocrite each time, praying to a deity I don't believe in. But how do I broach the subject with someone as superstitious as her?

Anyway,the rest of the day was suppose to be my study time. But I ended up giving in to a myriad of distractions. The night was spent on mahjong. But I decided to play instead because we only get to do that once a year during the CNY period. But nevertheless, there went my Monday.

Had a late breakfast this morning and by the time we were back home, it was almost time to head over to my aunt's place. So I thought I would bring some notes to study at my aunt's place. Who am I kidding? I ended up getting stuck on watching Step Up 2 on tv. And soon everyone arrived. So much noise, so much empty bragging. The only genuine conversation I had was one with one of my cousins-in-law. Speaking to my mom when my relatives are around is a lost cause. She never listens, in that, her mind is focused on my relatives. She's like that everytime we are in the presence of the relatives. Sometimes its like she's closer to my cousins than she is to us. Jealousy on my part? Nope. Disappointment is the word. Disappointment that she listens (and remembers) better to her extended rather than immediate family, to the point where her behaviour is bordering on hypocritical.

I know, it is not my place to judge. But it is frustrating.

I never liked CNY. It has always been unhappy. It used to be marked with fights between my parents because of my paternal relatives, to the point where we stopped visiting them altogether. My dad sacrificed a great deal. Even though he says otherwise, well, it can't be a nice feeling if you had to couldn't catch up with them even once a year. Of course, my mom doesn't see that. To her, it is like a given.

I'm not trying to demonize her. She really hardworking (too hardworking sometimes). But I feel that she is quite shallow and childish in some aspects.

Anyway, I digress. As I was saying, CNY used to be marked with fights between my parents. Fights which I, as a child, had to stop. And not to mention the fact that my mom used to "confide" her marital problems with me, as a child. Should a child have to go through that? Well, it doesn't matter now since its done. My dad on the other hand tries to shoulder it by himself too much, to the point where he has become this bitter person. And the bitterness manifests itself in his every comments about the government, society and what not, and how if he was the one in-charge, he would have done it in this that or the other way. Yet when I asked him to voice his opinions in the forum, he simply brushes it off saying "it's useless". It's increasingly irking me more and more. And when I ask him "then why comment on it?", he would reply that he's venting. Sure, the occasional venting is fine, but every single day? About the same thing over and over again? And while you're venting, what about the rest of us? What about me? Is it too much to ask for some peace when I'm home after a long day of work? It is too much to ask for some peace before I start my long day of work?

Yes, maybe I've changed. Many things now are not like what they seemed to me before.
Yet areas where I should change, such as my inability to focus on my studies, haven't.

4-days, gone just like that. What have you really accomplished Sherm? To date, what have you really accomplished? Sure, you're in some fancy-pants audit firm, but what meaningful things have you accomplished?

I never liked CNY.