tightrope

Everyday I walk a tightrope of doing what my parents expect me to do and doing what I wanna do. Perhaps a tightrope isn't very apt a metaphor, since tightrope walking involves a balance of clockwise and anti-clockwise moments and what I'm really doing is inclining towards the former (and the one time I do what I want, I get wrath). In other words, there is essentially no element of balancing at all; mostly just doing what I'm expected to do: the "right" thing.

Yet who's to say what doing the "right" thing encompasses? Imagine this: You're in the last lifeboat in the middle of a choppy sea. The number of people in the boat exceeds its capacity. You have ONLY TWO choices: one, you push one person off the ship and save the rest; two, you do nothing and everyone in the lifeboat perishes. What's the "right" thing to do here?

(Right now, I have the urge to jam a pole into the wheels of the motorbikes that are delibrately revving their engines so the riders can really experience adrenaline pumping action as they sail through the air, which is prolly the last thing they'll be doing).

But that's not the point of this entry (which begs the question why go through this vichysoisse of verbiage to begin with?). What I'm trying to say is that I feel I'm somewhat restricted by this set of "right things" imposed on me, that I not enjoying the things I do as much as I'd like. Like an animal in an enclosure - shackled freedom. I feel like as much as they try to convince me, and themselves I suspect, that I'm actually having lots of freedom (I know, some of you guys are prolly disagreeing), they tend to impose their way of thinking on me, which often leaves me with little room to argue. Plus, I'm tired of arguing with them; it's like a lost cause (mostly they pretend to listen to my reasoning, though I think they're prolly just forming counter-arguments in their head), not to mention the long lectures to "correct" my thinking.

You'd think that now that I'm technically an adult, they'd lighten up on it. But nope, not in this aspect anyway. That's why I often feel I'm perpetually stuck in this position. I'd really like to give up, and honestly I've tried to. But under my circumstances, what comes after giving up? There is no alternate course of action I can take (I'd like to know if there are any though!). Nothing is gonna change even if I do give up.

So what's one to do, I wonder?







By the way, what's goin' on with blogger? Nothing's loading properly! Same goes for fb and hotmail! Is it just me???